Dangerous Men

This is one of the worst films I have seen. Not good. Not "bad good." Not "so bad it's good." Just bad. Not quite as bad as The Creeping Terror, Monster-A-Go-Go or The Guy From Harlem, but right up there as one of the premiere entries in the hall of amateurishness.

Unlike in something like Samurai Cop, which has a light tone and jokes in spite of (or more accurately, probably because of) its status as a low budget Lethal Weapon ripoff, Dangerous Men doesn't have any intentional humor (except for maybe the naked guy covering himself up with tree branches) and is trying to be the next Death Wish. Only it fails so miserably on all accounts, it makes Ed Wood look like David Lean.

There is really nothing to recommend it. The writing and directing are horrible. The actors are all painful to look at. Segments shot 20 years apart mean suddenly we're back in 1982, oops no wait, we jumped forward again. The story construction is abysmal and makes no sense, since segments shot decades apart were attempted to be stitched together into a single story (hackmeister Al Adamson was famous for doing this, but at least his movies weren't shot 20 years apart!). The sex scenes are not sexy. And that MUSIC! Not since Mesa of Lost Women has there been a more repetitive, annoying soundtrack. At least that wasn't composed on a Casio keyboard bought on lay-away from Sam Ash Music, like this piece of tripe.

When you're treated to an opening credit sequence promising one person as writer, producer, director, editor, composer, art director and costume designer (at least he didn't make himself the lead actor), you know you're in for trouble. I didn't heed the warning, and I paid the price. Please heed my warning. Unless you are the most masochistic consumer of z-grade film atrocities imaginable, please stay away from Dangerous Men.

The movie was made by Jahangir Salehi, but I guess he preferred to use the pseudonym John Rad. Yes, Rad. John Rad is almost the only name in the opening credits and it amusingly appears multiple times along with music that might get stuck in your head. What's the movie about? Good question. It's partly about a woman who's fiancé is murdered by a biker on a beach. She goes with the biker to a motel to have sex, I guess, but she literally pulls a knife out of her ass and kills him. I am not kidding. While in a desert, she hitchhikes with a man who happens to have a gun in his vehicle. He drives off-road and attempts to rape her, but she ends up stealing his vehicle and leaving him in the desert naked. Now, for some reason, the movie keeps following him and, for some reason, he talks to his penis and, for some reason, he sings and dances. Again, I am not kidding. The woman becomes a serial killer who kills men. I guess these men are dangerous, but I'm not entirely sure.

The movie's quite a mess. It jumps around a lot and it's not well edited. There are moments when the movie will just cut to something else, but the editing can be funny. There's a scene with a man talking on the phone and the movie just cuts to him making out with a woman who I think he was talking to on the phone. It's just so odd and surprising that you might as well laugh. There are jump cuts during a sex scene with a man named Black Pepper that I just don't understand. Why is the scene edited this way? It's not stylish. It's amateurish. Well, the whole movie is amateurish. The acting is pretty bad. The fight scenes are incredibly unconvincing. "Miami Connection" has better fighting. Someone in "Dangerous Men" says that Black Pepper has killed more people than the Vietnam War. Um, what? He's killed more people than the people who died in the Vietnam War? Apparently, over a million people died in that war. It would be incredible (and horrible) if someone single-handedly killed over a million people. You might be thinking that the guy who said that is exaggerating, but with this movie, I'm not so sure. When I first saw the movie, the ending confused me. The movie ends abruptly on a rather awkward freeze frame. Not a good way to end your movie.

"Dangerous Men" is entertaining trash. I enjoyed it when I saw it on my own and I enjoyed it more when I saw it with a couple of friends. It's quite amusing. The fighting's amusing, the music's amusing, the naked man in the desert's amusing, etc. I wanna see it again and again.